Wake the Dead. In honor of Chris Liu.

 Dear Fiends,

This entry isn't for the faint of heart. It's going to be sad, a little bit frightening, and maybe anxiety inducing for some. There is also the content warning of death of a loved one. So please proceed thoughtfully.

I am trying to process the heartbreaking news of a friend's passing. I know this is only the beginning of that process. It still feels unreal. I worry about that too. Chris was a friend that I met online, and it just makes it even more complicated in the grief of loss. I don't have the privilege of his physical presence to miss, so the weight of his loss is solely in my heart and mind. He will always exist to me as a spirit that I loved and felt love from. And it got me thinking about how life exists through spirit in the Addams Family. This brought me some brief comfort. Let me explain.

In the Addams universe, those we love, never truly leave us. In the kookiest ways, sometimes they end up as a leg sticking out of a shark in the living room, or Uncle Nick Nack waiting in the attic for summer. I love the idea that the people I love are still with me as part of my house. They hold a space in my little world. For me, that will be this box of Halloween cereal that I was going to send Chris in October. I'll set it on the special shelf, and when I look at it, I will think of all the joy and kindness he brought into my life during the few years I knew him. I will miss sending memes back and forth about missing the 90s. His support in my physical heart health, his stories about school in Singapore, his shared experiences as an Asian American, his humor, his excellent taste in movies, his love for big haired, Tammy Faye make up kinda women, and most of all his loving friendship that felt always warm, and always gentle. I don't think there was even an ounce of meanness in that man. He may have been the most gentle man I had the privilege to know. I hope to carry his spirit with me always.

That's what the Addams do too. Their loved ones never truly die. They talk about them often just as if they were still alive. You see this in every iteration, the comics, shows, and movies. They feel connected to them even though they are on the other side. They believe they can still hear and feel us. And on special occasions, they even play "Wake the Dead" to spend time with their loved ones again. For the Addams, death is not a hard, impenetrable barrier. It is simply a change in how we interact with those we love. As long as you carry the memory and love for someone, they are never really gone. In the greater emotion of grief, that thought isn't much to help us cope, but it is something. Something small we can hold on to in order to carry us through these days that continue to get harder, and now darker without Chris's gentle, and warm light. I will not let his spirit be lost. I will think of him every time I see Halloween cereal, or my travel channels talk about Singapore. I will think of him when I see Robert Z'Dar in movies. I will think about him when I cook the dinners of recipes we shared. I will think of him often, on purpose, no matter how much it hurts, because that's how I will send my love to his spirit. By not letting him be forgotten, or ever thought unreachable.

I wish I had told him every day how wonderful a human being he was. I wish I had sent this cereal earlier and not waited thinking October would make it more fun. I am so very sad.

The peculiar thing about friends that you meet online is that they kind of already exist as ghosts or spirits. They exist on another plane with you and talk through your screen, but nevertheless, they live in your heart just as much as any friend you physically regularly hang out with. Chris was always the friendliest "ghost" and there was no one sweeter. Now, I will do like the Addams do with those they love and take it upon myself to protect and keep his spirit alive. I will carry his memory, and his enduring model of gentility and authenticity in my daily life. 

My dear friend. You made such a huge impact in my life for the time you were in it. I can only imagine the black hole of deep grief you have left behind in those even closer to you. What a great loss we have suffered. But we will carry on your message of love and tenderness. On days that I don't want to be soft anymore, I'll find it in my heart to be in your honor. And on days I feel like I don't want to live, I'll remember that I must, in order to keep your spirit alive with mine.

Please come visit on Halloween, my dear friend. When I come get my grandparents and cousins during "Wake the Dead", I'll be waiting for you too. I can't wait for you to try my Baba's Okinawan soba. And the best part? You don't have to worry about the sodium anymore!...

I miss you already. Rest in peace, and give Robert Z'Dar a high five for me.

Alt Text: Black and White photo still of Christopher Lloyd as Uncle Fester in the Addams Family movies. This is from the first one at the end where he suggest that they play "Wake the Dead." The photo still is of him in the center, bald, pale, black robe, black around the eyes, and half smiling.